Do you have to be brave to do something courageous?
It’s funny how I remember that moment. Everyone laughed at the small figure. Neck bent, holding up a larger head, looking up to another figure...
They said I looked like an hourglass with a globe on top; arms hiding beneath the shadow of my protruding stomach and only useful for display.
My days were riddled with tears that ran like they were in a constant race and my mind was milked of the self-esteem that I never had. Every day looked just the same. The scorn. The laughter. The unspoken rage that seemed to tilt my head down in mundanity. This scene was super normal in Nevad College, but that day things were about to change.
That day, I tried to go against the universe.
Kelly came again. Bulky as usual, flashing broken teeth. He grabbed my cheap shirt, hurling my little body up till I met his fierce gaze. The words he spat were like hot sulfur washing over me:
"You’re a worthless thing, a dead dog is of more importance than you! The mere thought of you unease my insides! What a horrid sight you are!"
I looked so mortal before him. His rotten words got to me faster than I reached the floor.
Those were familiar words. Why was the impact different that day? I stood up. Yes, I did...an abnormality. For once in my life, I saw him as my equal. Fear mixed with hurt strengthened my globe head and pushed it upwards. I saw the shock in his eyes. I had heard enough that day.
I took a step with my eyes still fixed on his. My mouth twisted in a smirk as I watched his face scrunch up in shock. I could watch this all day.
A little spice was needed so I stepped menacingly towards him, and wagging a finger. I warned sternly that the next time he laid his hands on me would be the end of him. I felt my mouth moving but I couldn’t hear my self. Words too were scared to come out of the bully’s mouth that they choked him in a hurry to hide.
Gasps of 'ooh’s erupted behind me. I looked at the audience, they were surprised and also wanted to see how it’d end. The stage was set. Looking around, I could see the anger in his eyes. His dignity had been stained. He took a step. Perhaps two. He was coming for me. I tried to think but my brain instantly became dry land.
He clenched his fist and locked his jaw hard. I wasn’t going to leave with any flesh hanging off of me. His hands reached out to grab me but I dodged falling the right. He, almost losing balance, soon regained stance and made for me again. It was happening too fast.
This time he got me. I saw the dirty smile forming on his parched lips. I could imagine the evil that was being crafted in his head as his long fingers sunk into my chest.
My brain was fertile this time. With all the strength I could muster, I sank my head into his. Maybe being an hour-glass wasn’t so bad. He staggered backward and I jumped on him. Now seated astride on him, I dealt him as much heavy blows as my hands could.
He eventually pushed me off and proceeded to grab a big stick he found, attempting to hit me with it.
The crowd roared in objection and threatened to lynch him if he did such. For once they felt like friends. My heart thumped hard against my chest as the students chanted my lost forgotten name. I couldn’t believe what happened. I’d never been supported like that in Nevad College.
I felt courage surge through my whole body. I straightened my head and opened my mouth to speak.
“Yo! Kelly, the next time you lay a finger on me, or spew trash in my face, I’ll make sure you lick your butt!”
Loud cheers from the students resonated throughout the entire school. I watched the bully’s shoulders drop like a deflated balloon. His face spoke anger and trampled dignity. He threw the stick away and advanced very fast towards me, cursing. It happened too sudden but before he could get to me, the students grabbed him and hurled him to the ground.
My eyes were opened wide in shock! What just happened again? Did people just stand up for me?
Kelly groaned as he got up. The shame was evident in his almost teary face as he dashed away muttering, "I’ll show you... I’ll show you..."
Some students rushed to me and lifted me up while the others cheered. A tear trickled freely from my eyes. Those were easily the best moments of my life in Nevad College.
I discovered, after that day, a truth I had failed to realize.
I discovered that we actually don’t need sympathy or pity from other people to effect a change. What we need to do, is believe in ourselves. When we assure ourselves that we’re good enough, and stand up to challenges, others will believe in us and stand up for us! I learned this after enduring several months of bullying and feeling inferior to the world.
You may not have the exact kind of bully I had, but the same rule applies to all bullies. You don’t find bullies only in schools. They’re everywhere! They leverage on your weaknesses and low self-esteem. The day you realize and assure yourself you’re good enough, unique and superior, is the day you defeat that bully. Bullies are scared of you; that’s why they torment you every day to try to turn the tables around. Would you always go to a rat, and keep hitting it, pushing it, laughing at it, when you know how inferior it is to you? Of course not!
Well, Kelly came again the next day. This time, he didn’t come to show me how worthless I was, or how disfigured I looked. Rather, he came to apologize! He asked to be friends and I demanded that he apologized to me in the presence of the entire school first. He did so, days later in total sincerity.
I made my bully cry! You can do the same too!