Self betrayal remains one of the most common ways to cope as children.
When we are consciously or unconsciously told that parts of us are ātoo much,ā that things we witnessed didnāt occur (denial of reality), or when our needs/limits are ignored we donāt have the awareness as children that this is not a reflection of who we are.
In an attempt to receive love or approval, we deny these parts of ourselves + begin to highlight parts of ourselves that get the approval we seek.
I learned quickly as a child that in order to get any attention or surface level connection to my mom, I would need to achieve. There were other things I wanted to do, but more than anything I wanted her love.
The better I did academically + in sports the more I internalized the core belief āAll things I do I must be good at. Achievement + performance gets me love. When I donāt achieve, thereās disappointment (+ I am unworthy/unlovable.)
By the time I was 30, I didnāt know how to do something just for me. I didnāt even know who I was. In one therapy session as I went through a divorce my therapist asked (as I went on + on about what my wife wanted + want my parents wanted) āWhat do YOU want?ā
I just kind of froze.
I had never even considered myself or my own needs in that situation.
No one ever modeled this for me.
Betraying myself had become my norm. Itās no wonder so many of my relationships had unhealthy dynamics + I always felt isolated + alone.
On my healing journey, I started to develop self trust through habits.
Our habits + routines create our connection to ourselves.
I started gaining self senseless, more confidence, + loss so much of the resentment that I had (resentment I had caused myself because I lacked so many boundaries.)
Of course I felt guilty because I had been conditioned to belief that self sacrifice was loveā that it was something noble.
The truth is itās a slow, spiritual death.
Make SMALL promises to yourself. Practice keeping them. As you make new choices, youāll find your power.
When you donāt follow through, forgive yourself like a wise loving parent.
This is the path to our freedom.
Post from: The Holistic Psychologist