There are five sure ways to do this.
Difficult people are all around us. We’ve all had to face them at some points in our lives. Maybe we still have to. In fact, we see more of them in our lifetime than the easygoing ones. We see them in our homes, workplaces, schools, churches, streets, and many other social places. I’ve had to deal with difficult people in every aspect of my life, and I’m sure there are many out there who currently face people like this.
Well, I learned to classify the difficult people I’d come across into these four groups:
• The Pessimists & Perfectionists:
Perfectionists are almost impossible to please. They criticize, complain, and always want things to be done flawlessly. They are driven by a unwillingness to settle for anything less than perfection. These kind of parents often lack that special kind of bond with their children, and are quick to scold them over minor issues.
Parents like this end up raising introverted children with low self-esteem — mediocre, who will feel they are not good enough, or equal to their peers. These children become secretive, and would rather disclose their problems to strangers and friends, than their parents. Most of us have colleagues, neighbours, or even partners, that fall into this category.
• The Know-It-Alls:
This set acts like they know everything. They are pretentious, and always want to show-off in whatever opportunity they can find. People like this are outspoken and feel they are better than others. We find this kind of people mostly in our workplaces, meetings, and schools.
• The Passives/Weaklings:
These people rarely take responsibility or meaningful actions. They have to be pushed or compelled to do something. They do not contribute to groups, discussions, or people around them. They are usually lazy and let others do the hard work for them. I happen to have a colleague who falls into this category too.
• The Control-freaks:
These people are explosive. Always wanting to control their own and others’ lives, and to organize how things are done. This category can be really difficult as they will do anything to get things done their own way. They take over situations and tend to use their authority to justify their actions.
Now, we’ve identified these difficult people. The next question is, “How Do We Deal With Them?”🤔
1. Don’t Criticise Them!
Listen, criticisms do not and can not change a person for the better. Yes, they can’t. What criticism does is attack a person’s self-esteem and puts them on the defensive. It makes them want to justify themselves. This is simply because people tend to blame others but themselves for their own misfortunes.
Psychology showed that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn more rapidly than an animal punished for bad behavior. This is 100% true for humans also!
When we criticize, we do not make lasting changes. We only incur their resentments. Dale Carnegie once wrote in his book:
“No matter how certain we are that it’s justified, when dealing with people, let us remember — We are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures wrestling with prejudices, and motivated by pride and vanity”
So, before you think of criticizing or punishing that person for his repeated bad behavior, sit them down, and approve the little good things they’ve done. It’ll really go a long way in changing that person!
2. Understand Them!
Sometimes, however, you just need to understand them. If you reframe your perspective and understand where they’re coming from, you’ll be able to see what they see, and why they see things that way. I believe nobody is difficult on purpose. Not unless they’re sado-masochists. And even they, are people looking for a fix.
So, before you judge or hate them, put yourself in their shoes and try to walk a mile or two with it. This could change your view of them!
3. Be Kind!
I conducted a research some months ago in a group filled with people from diverse countries and cultures, on how they manage to deal with difficult people around them. Guess what? I almost got the same, or variations of the same answer from majority of them. That answer was — ‘kindness’!
For me, I find that kindness almost always turns a person around. Usually, there are people suffering from some kind of trauma and when you just smile or say something nice to them, they’ll be nice back or at least they will not be mean.
Be kind but don’t let them walk over you. With time, they’ll change and try to reciprocate your kindness.
4. Control What You Can
A lady, from the research, talked about how she manages to deal with her difficult grandmother. She said she found out that the best way to handle it was to consider her own behavior and not her grandmother’s. She also said that she stopped trying to argue with her grandmother because there was no winning.
Many of these people are unhappy, cantankerous, and need professional help, which we’re not trained in. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut around difficult people and only speak up when I have to. This seems to work best for the Know-It-Alls too.
You can’t change anyone else. You can only change you.
Change your behavior. Set boundaries. Lots of, “You’re welcome to do whatever you want, but if you do X, I will do Y.” Then stick to it. Boundaries are everything!
5. Keep Calm, Smile, and Ignore Them
Now, If that difficult person is physically or emotionally harmful, the best course of action is avoidance. If impossible to avoid, do not respond to them emotionally, but rationally.
Unfortunately, dealing with some difficult people rationally only makes them more irrational and even angry. When that happens, excuse yourself and find someplace else to be. Or to put it in a more subtle form, ignore them!
Don’t try to argue, don’t lose your cool, just smile, and walk away!
This shows just how mentally strong you are.
Also, as we try to handle difficult people around us, we should ensure we’re not difficult people ourselves.
Well, If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments section below, or privately if you wish.