Waiting Is Hard

#MondayLetters

I sat there that night.

Heart racing, hands shaking.

In streams of music and chants, I could feel the atmosphere enveloping me. This was the best concert I'd ever been to.

The first singer had left us in a trance. She’d held our hands and led us into her world of colours and butterflies... just with her voice and the way she sang. I remember sitting there, among the crowd, completely awed by the magic I'd just listened to. Damn! How did she do it?

While I was still transfixed on that spot, the second singer came up the stage. His performance was pretty different from the lady’s. He grabbed us by our collars and took us down from our ‘paradise’ into the depths of hell. His kind of hell was an unusually beautiful one. It was the kind that showed you your demons and taught you just how to control them; the kind that showed you raw, untamed power and led you to taste it…

The entire crowd were on their feet at this moment, screaming and applauding. My hands were clapping but a different feeling was brewing within me. At that moment, I didn’t want to be a part of the crowd standing and applauding. I imagined myself up there, on the stage, singing my heart out to the hundreds of people in the audience. Yes, that was what I wanted. I could sing very well too, or so I thought.

I ran to the back stage and told them I wanted to sing.

They said it wasn’t an open mic and it was strictly by what was in the agenda. I kept asking for a chance, just a few minutes to prove myself, but there was nothing they could do. They told me they'd love to have me try out as a singer in the next event which was next month. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined being given a slot to sing at any concert, talk more of the biggest concert in the city.

“No, I want to sing today!” I didn’t know how that came out of my mouth. I lied that I was a well known singer and would be leaving town very soon. The organizers, however, were the one of the best people I'd ever meet. After my many pleas, they told me they would split the time given to the fourth performer just to give me a chance. I agreed and in less than an hour, I heard my name being called loudly through the speakers.

At that moment, time stood still. I'd never heard my name being called with such honour and reverence. I never truly realised what I was getting myself into until that point. I wasn't ready. I had waited for this moment my whole life but here I was, unprepared and clueless.

I climbed up the stage and saw the fourth performer. He was clearly not happy that his agreed time was split without a prior notice. I requested for a guitar and he was generous enough to give me his.

The crowd took to their seats, curious, expectant, all wondering what this young trembling boy was about to conjure.

I struck a chord. God, I felt blank.

My shaky hands were ruining my guitar melody. I edged closer to the mic and start singing. I think I went on for a few minutes, eyes closed, lips moving, heart in hands, before I stopped.

I opened my eyes, looked into the crowd, but no one was standing or applauding. I turned to the fourth singer – the guy whose time I’d been given a part of. I could see a look of anger mingled with pity on his face as he took back his guitar.

I had blown it!

I had fucked up at the biggest concert in the city. Hundreds of people heard the off-keys and wrong notes. The organisers heard too.

I walked down the stage looking like a banished ghost. Nobody spoke or said anything, not even the organisers. I wore my backpack and left the concert broken and filled with regrets. My lack of patience had taught me a big lesson that night.

You see, Impatience lies to us by making us feel we are unprogressive. It tells us that there are no baby steps.

Impatience tells you that your dream starts out as a tree, and you should be enjoying its fruit almost immediately. But your dream isn't a tree. Your dream is a seed, and a seed is nurtured with patience into growth. Waiting is hard, but necessary.

Many months later, I saw myself on a stage again. This stage wasn't as big or revered as the other one, but it was perfect for a seedling like me. I sat on the stool and smiled to the very few faces as I strummed my guitar. I sang until I saw myself in a different world. I saw the audience there too, in my world... one I had created from practicing day and night, reflecting, and listening to others sing and tell their own stories.

When I was done, I opened my eyes and saw the audience clapping. They were all on their feet. I closed my eyes and smiled. I’m sure the crowd smiled back.

— Delight, Waiting Is Hard, 2021🍂